I absolutely hate being so vulnerable when it’s so soon into being with this guy. I love feeling like I don’t have to be the Meredith that I am at work, or the Meredith I am around my dad, or the Meredith I am when I’m with friends, I can just be Meredith around him. And that terrifies me, because I have this fear rooted so deep inside of my heart that as soon as he puts together all of the pieces he’s collected of me that he’s going to run the other way as fast as possible. If I’ve been so hurt before when I’ve only let them get one foot in the door, then I’m preparing myself for the storm that’s bound to happen when he feels he truly knows me and I’m bracing myself for when I start relating to the sad songs instead of the happy ones again.
But I absolutely adore that in these 6 months we’ve tried to be “us,” he has always laughed at every single one of my jokes (even when they’re stupid or bad or both, and they usually are), he has always been the one to initiate the first kiss when we first see each other and start hanging out (even when I make a point to try to kiss him before he kisses me), and he has always said “Be safe” instead of “Goodbye” when we eventually go our separate ways (even if it is only for a mere matter of days). And with all of the ups and downs we’ve had, he has worked so hard to turn around and be better and to make it known that as long as I want him in my life, he will do whatever it takes to be with me. I’ve never had this before and it’s so terrifying and so exhilarating and I don’t know if I love him yet and I don’t know if he loves me yet, but when he smiles and tucks my hair behind my ears as I tell him about some crazy book idea, or about some cool historical event, or some viewpoint I’m really passionate about, I can see that he is going to try his hardest to love me, and when he is at his lowest and wants to break and doesn’t want me to see him like that and still listens to me ramble about how he shouldn’t feel ashamed for experiencing feelings because feelings are part of the human experience and he should never apologize for being who he is, I can see that maybe, just maybe, he has made the choice that he will love me. And when he tells me that I’m the only one that’s his “type” and puts his arm around me in front of his roommates and slow dances with me to jazz records in his bedroom, I start to think that I can try my hardest to love him. And when we wake up in the morning and the first thing he says to me after rolling over is “Hey, girl” every single time, and then when he rests his head on my shoulder while my arm is around him, and when I hear him saying that he wants to keep me around for a long time to his roommates outside of his door when he thinks I’m still asleep, I start to think that maybe, just maybe, I’m going to make the choice to love him too. And it’s so scary, but all of those feelings of fear and insecurity and nervousness are all worth dealing with for the sigh of relief at the end of the day when he kisses me good night and I know the furthest he’s going to go is the other side of the bed.
1. Your skin may never be perfect, and that’s okay.
2. Life is too short not to have the underwear, the coffee, and the haircut you want.
3. Everyone (including your family, your coworkers, and your best friend) will talk about you behind your back, and you’ll talk about them too. It doesn’t mean you don’t love each other.
4. It’s okay to spend money on things that make you happy.
5. Sometimes without fault or reason, relationships deteriorate. It will happen when you’re six, it will happen when you’re sixty. That’s life.” — Five things I am trying very hard to accept (via aumoe)
i don’t get this. why does this have so many notes. does it have to do with the type of ice cream? Napoleon ice cream? Napoleon Bonaparte? is that Napoleon Bonaparte’s hand?
I have pretty strong morals and opinions being in pop music, and I can’t help but express those, which I think people appreciate. I mean, I don’t think I say anything that isn’t backed up. Most of the time I will stand by things that I’ve said.
most important post on this website
I hope you fall in love with a man with good music taste and a jawline stronger than your wifi connection