not listening to any new songs besides the lead single once Taylor starts dropping prereleases is SO. HARD.

Gold on the Ceiling by the Black Keys

I feel like being in NYC during 1989’s release weekend is going to be fucking CRAZY and I’m SO EXCITED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Grandpa Nichols going apeshit on that one episode of Drake and Josh is going to be me when 1989 is released

It may just be the weekly Sunday night wind down talking, but I just read through one of my old notebooks and realized that I have come such a long way. Every sad paragraph or drunk poem was written by a shell of a girl that I don’t even know anymore.

I remember when I could look in the mirror and see the pain showing on my face and I remember being so terrified that I couldn’t trust myself to make it through so many nights.

They told me that things will get better and I stubbornly refused to believe them, I hated them for being dealt the right cards while I sat with a losing hand. I stomped my feet, kicked my legs, and screamed in protest when I even for a second entertained the thought of a “better” life. The sadness was who I was, it was my home, where my everything lied. I was convinced that nothing significant came from joy, but I came to find that hearts can still create when they are full.

It didn’t just click all at once when I woke up one morning and it wasn’t something I could see happening. But when I have these moments where I step back and look at it all, I see where the pieces were finding their place. 

I never imagined that I would teach children and that it would make me feel like I’m doing something right. The lights in their eyes and their pure passion have shown me so much more than I have shown them.

I never imagined I would be able to let go of the bitterness I held onto for so long just for the sake of justifying anger. The biggest relief I’ve ever felt was finally discovering that I can lift other people’s baggage off of my shoulders and that I didn’t need to use them as weapons against myself.

I never imagined that an icy day in February would suddenly turn into spilling coffee all over a man born in 1988. I sure as hell never imagined that it would lead to him asking me to be his girlfriend on a park swing and meeting his best friends 8 months later. Now he has a picture of us as his phone lock screen and we are starting to explore the world together, one plane, car, or train at a time. Losing count of how many mornings I’ve woken up next to him has been the string keeping my heart tied together. Every time I hear the way he says my name, I start to like myself a little bit more.

I never imagined I would be clean of self harm for the longest period of time since I was 12, I never thought I would enjoy waking up in the morning, I never thought happiness was something I had a chance at.

And yet, here I am.

After all of this, I still don’t think I’ve really “found” myself, but that journey has started. Parts of my soul are out there somewhere, I just have to catch up with them when the time comes.

For the first time, I’m not operating on a “just get through it,” day-to-day mindset, but actually living. It’s still a battle. It always will be. But my best tactic possible is the reassurance that it really is going to be okay. There is such a huge world for of all of us. Bigger and better things full of love and hope are in store for every person behind a light in a skyline. There is still so much life left ahead after the here and now, and for the first time, realizing this is comforting instead of scary.




I really want a science fiction story where aliens come to invade earth and effortlessly wipe out humanity, only to be fought off by the wildlife.

They were expecting military resistance. They weren’t counting on bears.


Canada’s time to shine has come

“It’s all too much and not enough at the same time.” — Jack Kerouac (via iwasadaisyfresh)